Thursday, August 10, 2006
9:20 AM ;
i watched lake hse on the 8th august.. it was a beautiful story
i wonder...
how he can wait... but you cant... how despite the impossible they met, yet we seems so possible, but we can't meet..
is tt merely a story... is there no reality in movies... am i being too drawn to fantasy... can i taste, just a bit of such fantasies... i want to let it b true in my life...
nevertheless, i'm glad i laughed... at the v least, i tried.
i'm a bit tired for crying continuously in sch and at home for the past few days
also, i ate... a lot.. i dun care cos' it made me a happier person.
to sis, thank you for being here, i'm word-less n i m tired ... i just want to thank God for putting you in my life, n this family... i'll love this family, really, though it seems different than the rest, cos' i realise, we r uniqely us
to u, which i dun even noe u'll know its u or nort, i wish u all happiness n blessings
i will forget
9:13 AM ;
Sunday, August 06, 2006
4:23 PM ;
i duno how to put these into words
i came back... received another nt v pleasing news regarding some1.. n then saw the post u posted..
i sneaked out cos i HAVE to study... its nt tt i go out n play or wadevr... everybody is nt understandin.. how can u b not too? i trusted u as the only 1 who will keep this lil secret btwn us.. but u break it as well...
as usual, if u remembered wad happened few yrs ago, with mama's atm card?
u made me the scapegoat ... u tell me to admit tt i m the culprit thou it wasnt me... u remember?
i remember v well.. cos tt was the day wen i realise who r u.. wad relationship this is..
u said kaidi say i gt a bad temper towards bro.. did u reflect or recall how u even treated me wen i was still young... i realise, cos its the tone n actionss u have on me, tt me instead react these upon bro. i dun wan to.. but being under tt kind of influnence for like 10 over yrs, its difficult to just change it like this
ppl always wonder how nice it is to have a sister.. i admit its nice... n i totally miss how the times we used to role-play at night on our beds pretending husband n wife or "áunties''... but things change
u nv thought of how i wld feel.. cos u always thinks tt being the elder one, u win... u r the most right... somtimes the things i've done... u cld have just put urself in my shoes for awhile n b abit more understanding... to me, sometimes u r selfish...u always think abt urself..n powerful ownership n protection over mmaterials tings like bag, clothes n shoes.. yes u share.. but most of the time u DUNWAN to.. n u give excuses
i m nt sayin its wrong... cos eventually u paid for it... n wen i think abt it, i think i understand so i dint probe too much on these... these r merely emotions tt i feel sometimes
but things goes v wrong...
ur know this is the a level period... but ur NEVER seek to understand me
parents scold me wen i return late cos they basicaly thinks tt i m playing..
wen i m tired... really tired they think i just put on a black face for fun
ur couldnt understand the stress i m going thru n tt is most probably the reason i m feellin emotional..
i m nt clever, in fact, i m quite stupid... so i need a lot more time than most ppl studyin...
ppl u c ard urself mightb handling stress + studies well.. i cant
wads more, i dun have wad mmost ppl have... family... supppport
u r damn right... this really looks like a place just to slp...n ppl almost dun understand us... i asks and often envy various family issues
it just tires me sometimes tt i dun a bit feel any closeness at all... n soon i go allmost to the brink of giving up..
the change of job issue i dunno... i m nt a total grown up n have no commments regardin adult's career choices. u asked me to pray for u wen u took the test.. i did.. n wen i heard tt u passed it the 1st time ard, u have no idea how happy i m for u...
i dunno iif i showed he right emotions sometimes... wenever i see u sad, n like how u cried previous times regardin ur relationship probs, i always try to care... i hated ur previous bf , the 1 tt's fat n ugly.. cos i know hé'll nv bring u happiness.. the night wen ur were on the phone, wen ur r breakin up.. i pretend to slp... i was in fact prayin tt ur really break up cos i hate him n i dun wan to see u with u.. cos he's nt nice ...n i know u wun b happy
i dun feel these from u...
we dun share cos we nv ask...
u r busy with ur life, n im busy with mine..
i m extra emo cos of the many things ive experienced this week, including 2day wen some1 tells me somethings reagardin some1.. on top of these. the a's
i wan to let u noe.. its nt easy as it seems.. its tiring... n wen thisfamily comes in, things r much worse.. i hate this place... n i hate to pretend to smile.. i hate to c bo chap faces in this hse.. i hate the scoldings n shouts n screams of this place..
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
7:31 PM ;
hey ppeople... i m sorry if i dintblog frquent enough... my connection's quite screwed... so tired of comin online too.. o n top of tt.. sch work is supr overwhelming.. even my toes r workin so hard..
so much happened for the last few weeks... family.. frens.. sch...
sch was bad... had major quarrels n several misunderstandings
family was not really understanding...
house nt condusive for studyin at all..
i feel a bit out of place.. v unfamilar out of a sudden
it suddenly seems like i have no directions to go...
so much to do.. really....
to my sister, if u ever read this. i m sorry.
i dun wan to upset u ... if i ever did i m sorry..
i feel reallybad.. it sounds damn not sincere mayb? but i'm really sorry k
to my fren, u noe who u r, i alr told u wad i m suppose to say, i wan to c u happier really...
i hate to c ppl unhappy ard me.. cos i upsets me too... its a heartache to know they are gg thru their downs right nw.. i really pray tt all will b fine...
u.. will be fine
i think i havent talk to someppl for v long.... i m sorry!!!
hopefully my connection will b all well agn..
using jp's lap top nw... mm.. a bit lag! ahhaha... but better than nth!
oh wel... i'll see u ppl soon huh!
