1. 43% of all statistics are useless.
2. A penny saved is worthless.
3. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
4. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
5. [bumper snicker] DANGER! I drive like you do.
6. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
7. Does killing time damage eternity?
8. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
9. Don't question authority. It hasn't got a clue!
10. Drive carefully. 90% of the people in the world are caused by accidents.
11. Dyslexics have more fnu.
12. Employment applications always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write "A good doctor!"
13. Even hypocrites admire righteousness. That is why they imitate it.
14. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
15. Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get a job.
16. Frogs have it easy; they can eat what bugs them.
17. He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
18. I am not fat, I am a nutritional overachiever.
19. I doubt, therefore I might be.
20. I know. I know. People say, "It's the thought that counts, not the gift," but couldn't people think a bit bigger?!
21. I used to be clueless about math, but I turned that around 360 degrees.
22. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
23. I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.
24. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
25. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
26. Is a person who leaves the church having an out-of-the-Body experience?
27. Life is not so much a matter of position as of disposition.
28. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently-talented fool.
29. One of the greatest happiness's of life is the conviction that we are loved--loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
30. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
31. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're okay, you're it.
32. Swallowing your pride seldom leads to indigestion.
33. The average American takes six months to pay off holiday, credit-card bills.
34. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
35. The facts, though interesting, are simply irrelevant.
36. The idea is to die young as late as possible.
37. The word "love" can have many different meanings...it loses value when overly used and has no value at all if never spoken or shown to others.
38. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
39. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic
40. Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
41. Wife to husband: "This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts, like ties and fur coats."
42. "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." - Anonymous
43. Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.
44. Youth looks ahead, old age looks back, and middle age just looks tired.

SO SO LAME

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